Part I

Do you ever wonder how great-grandmother did it all?

Call me old fashioned…but I wanted to dig around and find out the mindset of our grandmothers. I’m talking about the pre-1970’s housewife that cooked, cleaned, gardened, raised kids, and had a seemingly happy family–sometimes without electricity or running water.

How did she do it? What is the difference between her and me?

Our Modern Mindset Dilemma

Especially if you are on social media, you don’t have far to go until you see something like this:

“The tidiness of a home doesn’t determine how good of a mom you are.”

“Husband: can you do me a favor? Me: I love you and would do anything for you. Husband: Can you– Me: No.”

“The wife my husband wanted: (woman dutifully filling lunch boxes, sipping tea reading a book, and vacuuming) vs. The wife my husband actually got: (woman half dressed, drinking wine, crazy dancing on the couch).”

“Mom truth: Sometimes I miss my old life. (Captions include things such as being social, being worry-free, having time, and sleeping in.)”

*Cartoon of angry mom awake in bed feeding baby while dad sleeps soundly.*

You all, I just hit the search icon on my Instagram, and these were what randomly popped up. Since I post about motherhood and family, I guess these things were supposed to be appealing to me.

Now, before we go any further, hear me out.

I have four kids. I have had sleepless nights. You bet I have felt ugly and tired and frustrated. My house is not the cleanest. Have I voiced those things, and have I sometimes agreed and laughed along with these posts and memes that I quoted above? Why yes, yes I have.

But are they what we should be filling our minds with? Are they the truth we need to hear?

I totally get it. I like to have an empathetic ear to whine to. Or someone that understands what I’m going through. But I can tell you the truth about these types of posts: they are not good for you.

When I catch myself giggling and looking at these types of “relatable” things, guess what happens? I become even more sluggish and tired. I even justify my whining. If everyone else in the world feels the same way about nursing their child, why shouldn’t I? It’s not good for you and it’s even dangerous.

Our modern ideals of motherhood, family, cooking, cleaning (any house-wifery of any kind) are being shaped by this tool we call social media. We can use it for the good or for the brain-sucking bad that it can be when left unchecked. (I know this from experience!)

Nowadays there is some bad stuff happening. It’s threatening our happiness as mama’s and homemakers.

All this to leeway into the jist of my post…

Was Granny’s Mindset Different?

BIG heck yes, it was different. How do I know?

Because I asked them about it!

Let’s debunk some of the memes I listed earlier, as to how my grandmothers, or even my mama, would react to them.

Keep in mind these women are extremely opposite of the social media scrollers. So their minds are still conditioned to the old fashioned ways of being a good ol’ homemaker.

Here’s some mindset examples that our great-grandmother’s had:

“It was a bad thing back then to be lazy. You were expected to have a neat house. It would be very embarrassing for company to stop in and your house be a mess and your kids a mess. They had pride. If you didn’t clean your belongings and didn’t take care of what you had, it wouldn’t last.”

“The husband has been working 8 hours, sometimes more, at his job. When he comes home, he wants to see dinner on the table. He has provided for the family all week and the least you could do as his wife is have him a hot meal and a clean home. He’s been around dirty men all day (if he has a labor job) and he sure doesn’t want to see a dirty child or even a filthy wife! Clean yourself and let him see something pretty after a hard day’s work.”

“Taking care of your child at night while your husband sleeps is part of your job. His job is waking up at dawn and driving to work. He will labor all day without much of a break. Let him get a good night’s sleep so he can leave the home and work.”

“Missing your old life…well this is your life now and what a blessing it is! You were probably complaining about something else in your “old life”…nothing will satisfy a discontent woman. The cure for discontentedness is gratefulness.”

“Make your husband proud to be married to you. No man likes being ashamed of the woman he married. Make him proud. And take some pride in your appearance and your character.”

Old Fashioned and Outdated?

It’s not news to me that some women will balk at my message here today. We have been fed lies about what a woman should be from when we were little, even from watching movies and sitcoms. I don’t expect everyone to be on the same page as me. Lives look different than mine, husbands and children are different…so I’m not prescribing a one size fits all method here.

But do I believe that putting into practice some of grandma’s ideals might be helpful to change our hearts a bit as wives, mothers, and homemakers? (And even help us reach some goals in our homes?) Yes!

Grandmother’s Secrets to Homemaking

Here is one of grandmother’s best tips: just get up and do it.

I have had nearly a decade’s struggle of finding time and energy to do my chores. If I could go back armed with the experience and knowledge I have now, my 22 year old self would have a way cleaner house and more organized life!

Now, with four little ones, and an endless to do list, I find that I can do more now than ever. (I haven’t figured this one out all the way yet…but why can I do more now than when I had no kids and all the time in the world? Haha.)

Responsibilities of this life sometimes force us to get things done. But if you want to feel less frustrated and generally more happy with your homemaking life…just get up and do your work.

It is hard work! You must work at disciplining yourself to do certain tasks.

Tackle the hardest chore first thing in the morning.

Go to bed with a clean kitchen.

Fold the clothes right when they come out of the dryer.

Put toys up all throughout the day and don’t get more out until the space is picked up.

Ladies…there are so many little tips we can learn from our mothers and grandmothers. So ask them!

I write all this because it is important to me to always learn and grow, and be the best I can be where I’m at. I’m a homemaker. God has given women a pretty specific calling (if we’re wives and mothers.) Be a keeper of the home.

Grandma was an expert in her field. Let’s LEARN from her. We can be better; we can be happy, and we can do it all with a clean home.